New Post at AnotherJoy Writes

Check out my new post at AnotherJoy Writes!

 

The Things We Do For Love

Is it really love if it has to be acknowledged?

I love to do things for people, spend time with people, encourage people, and generally just be with people. Those people are usually called my friends. But sometimes something in me tries to tout this idea that if these people don’t want to reciprocate my desire for their time and relationship, then maybe we’re not the friends I think we are.

Why in the world would I think that? Why would I want to poison my own mind against the relationships I hold so dear? Maybe we truly are the friends I think we are; maybe we’re much better than I give us credit for. That’s the sickness of perfection — it pretends that if people don’t react the same I would react, then I haven’t done enough. You know that saying “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?” I bet the person who coined that phrase understood the trap of trying to tinker with people to get an expected result.

Maybe you’re emotionally balanced and mentally adjusted. You would never think of expecting the people in your life to give and receive love in the same way that you do. Or maybe you’re a little like me; you know good and well that you’re friends are different from you, and love them for it. But occasionally you wish that they would respond when and how you’d like them to, just so you know you’re both on the same page.

To those of you who get where I’m coming from, no worries; we’re all human. And those of you who boost a relationship viewpoint that is more grounded in reality, kudos. Please pray for the rest of us.

 

What Does Your Fear Look Like?

So today is October 31. It’s Halloween. It’s a day filled with costumes, candy… and fear. Commercialized fear of course — society has made an entertainment industry out of our fight-or-flight response. It seems like we’ve conditioned ourselves to be so used to fear that many times we don’t even recognize it in our lives anymore. For instance, I’ve noticed that sometimes my fear disguises itself as organization and planning. Both good qualities, but not when I’m just using them to avoid something new or uncomfortable.

What about you? Is there an activity you use to hide from the scary stuff in life? Do you have a society-accepted disguise for your fear? What does your fear look like? Let me know in the Comments section below.

 

The Resistance

I’m starting a new book in the next few days: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I’m being told that this is a great book for anyone who wants to create things in life, whether it’s art, music, poetry, fiction, non-fiction, crafts, etc. The big topic in this book apparantly is on fighting The Resistance that blocks you from creating.

I think The Resistance affects more than just creativity; I think it affects life in general. Which, if you think about the fact that we were created as naturally creative people, makes perfect sense. And at the moment I stuggle with pushing past that in every area of life, not just the “creative” ones.

So I’m about to read about Steven Pressfield’s solution to the thing that stops us from branching out creatively, but first I’m curious what you might already be doing to branch out yourselves. What are you already doing to get past The Resistance? Shout it out in the comments below.

 

If I Had A Whole Day to Myself, I Would…

Here’s a Dreamer question for you this Monday morning: if you had one whole day — a solid twenty-four hours — to do whatever you wanted, what would you choose to do with it? Throw out your dreams and fanciful ideas in the comments below.

 

Dirty Words Like Diet, Exercise, and Focus

A few weeks ago, just prior to an especially busy time in my life, I talked about focus and how hard and exhausting it is to keep.

I learned a little something about focus then. For better or for worse, focus comes like everything we want in life: through diet and exercise.

I’ve found that I really do feel better and more able to focus when I eat the right food at the right time. It’s a simple thing, I know. But the thing about being focused is that when you can’t focus, you miss the simple stuff — and vice versa.

Another thing I’ve noticed about my attention span — and maybe yours as well — is that it gets longer only when it’s stretched. Exercises are designed to build strength and endurance, and that’s what I need, even when it doesn’t feel good.

Diet and exercise — in other words, discipline — are not something that just magically happen the way I want focus (or weight loss, for that matter) to just materialize in my life. These are long-term health changes, and health fads have only a temporary effect. But if I want the results, then I have to put in the effort. Of course, if you’ve found an easier way, I’m all ears for that too. 😉

What other thoughts do you have on focus?

 

Poem: Don’t Look Here

I wrote this poem earlier this year. The title comes from a faerie book I was reading at the time, for a cloaking spell they sometimes used. The theme of the poem, however, is very real. It is a theme that seems to recur with me and around me on a regular basis. I don’t pretend to have all the answers; in fact, I don’t really have any good answers for this that don’t sound trite or cliched. I’d love to hear insight you might have on this scenario — or even experiences you’ve had that seem to relate. Please share in the comments below.
.

Don’t Look Here
Looking desperately for attention —
Does anybody even see me?
Anyone at all?

Standing here
screaming his name, her name, your name,
all to no avail,
Watching the ebb and flow
of lives, of loves, of friendships and more,
Desirous to take part, be a part
In the grand scheme of things,
But no one seems to notice me.

Acting out, acting in,
waiting patiently, or not at all —
makes no difference for me.
The result is still the same —
nothing.

Is this a teaching point?
Or a cosmic joke?
Or some great gag at my expense?
I would know if I could get an answer,
But answer means someone’s listening,
Or can even hear me at all.

Can I blame the world
for shutting me out
if the world is simply incapable
of pulling me in?
Then whose fault is it —
yours? No? Mine? Please tell me.
I would gladly give up
This invisible forcefield
If only I knew how.

It seems instinctive now —
as if I have no choice
but to stand here and scream,
and you have no choice
but to turn away
ignorance from me.

 

You’re Just Saying That.

It’s rant time. Today’s topic: pretending to be invested in someone’s life without actually following through.

When you have conversations with people, talking to them about their lives and sharing your own experiences, finding common ground and encouraging them, you give the impression that you care. Everybody gets that, right? It’s like saying, “I can totally get behind the work you’re doing. Bravo.”

So when that person invites you to actually experience that you’ve been praising, to step into life with them and see first-hand what’s going on, and you play dumb passively refuse with phrases like “that’s nice” or “good for you,” it’s basically as though after promising loyalty you’re deserted them to get shot in the back.

Why do people want to pretend that they care until it comes time to actually care even just a little? It boggles, irritates, and ultimately frustrates me.

Don’t be a coward about your loyalties. Don’t be one of those people who just says stuff to make people (or yourself) feel like you mean it. That lie will always fall down more painfully than being honest about your lack of interest. As best, you’ve just insulted someone’s intelligence and killed their respect by pretending that they can’t see right through you false assurance. At worst, they really can’t see through, and you’ll have to keep up the charade because they won’t leave you alone.

Trust me — this is not a game you can win. Even when you think you have, you’ve still lost.

 

Hugh Jackman: Real Relator (And Vol Fan)

Celebrities are real people, right? Most of us wouldn’t think of them that way. We recognize them from movies and tv, from magazines, from news media and paparazzi, all trying to give us intimate details of these strangers’ lives, without giving us any sense of common ground.

That’s why I enjoy moments when famous people have a chance to speak for themselves. Sure, their usually polite, if somewhat aloof — after all, they don’t really know the individuals in the crowds they might be addressing. But occasionally they prove themselves to be just as real as the rest of us.

You can tell a polite but rehearsed conversation most of the time. And when people are being genuine, that becomes pretty obvious as well. When Hugh Jackman appeared in Knoxville a couple of weeks ago to promote the premiere of latest movie, he gave a short speech to those who had gathered to see him. He didn’t just give a polite celebrity speech – though that certainly would have been enough.

Instead, he showed that he really could be himself in front of them he endeared himself to those who had made the effort to be a part of this event, and drew in many more people to his work just by virtue of his frank appreciation of their city and its popular themes. It turned out to be a good demonstration of caring about what people care about regardless of how well you know them.

 

The Most Human Relationship

Sometimes we forget just how insane God’s love toward us is. Or maybe we don’t forget; maybe we just don’t want to deal with the brain-exploding truth that we’d have to deal with if we thought about it. Jesus is fully God. And He is fully man.

That amazing dichotomy is at the heart of Chapter 5 of John Eldredge’s new book, Beautiful Outlaw. I know that when I think of human relationships, with all of their (and my) quirks and intricacies, my relationship with Jesus is not the one that comes to mind. That’s my relationship with Jesus, not my relationship with people. But I’m rediscovering that my relationship with Jesus is my ultimate human relationship.

If I want to learn how to relate to humans in spite of sin, anger and fear, then I need to start with my relationship with the One who is human without any of those issues. As John says, Jesus is more human than all of us — a true human untouched by sin. We are made in His image; our relationship with Him can reflect our own humanity freed from the effects of sin.

Please check out the rest of my review and thoughts on Beautiful Outlaw over at Tatter’d Pages, and let me know what you think.