Interacting


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Is it really love if it has to be acknowledged?

I love to do things for people, spend time with people, encourage people, and generally just be with people. Those people are usually called my friends. But sometimes something in me tries to tout this idea that if these people don’t want to reciprocate my desire for their time and relationship, then maybe we’re not the friends I think we are.

Why in the world would I think that? Why would I want to poison my own mind against the relationships I hold so dear? Maybe we truly are the friends I think we are; maybe we’re much better than I give us credit for. That’s the sickness of perfection — it pretends that if people don’t react the same I would react, then I haven’t done enough. You know that saying “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?” I bet the person who coined that phrase understood the trap of trying to tinker with people to get an expected result.

Maybe you’re emotionally balanced and mentally adjusted. You would never think of expecting the people in your life to give and receive love in the same way that you do. Or maybe you’re a little like me; you know good and well that you’re friends are different from you, and love them for it. But occasionally you wish that they would respond when and how you’d like them to, just so you know you’re both on the same page.

To those of you who get where I’m coming from, no worries; we’re all human. And those of you who boost a relationship viewpoint that is more grounded in reality, kudos. Please pray for the rest of us.

So today is October 31. It’s Halloween. It’s a day filled with costumes, candy… and fear. Commercialized fear of course — society has made an entertainment industry out of our fight-or-flight response. It seems like we’ve conditioned ourselves to be so used to fear that many times we don’t even recognize it in our lives anymore. For instance, I’ve noticed that sometimes my fear disguises itself as organization and planning. Both good qualities, but not when I’m just using them to avoid something new or uncomfortable.

What about you? Is there an activity you use to hide from the scary stuff in life? Do you have a society-accepted disguise for your fear? What does your fear look like? Let me know in the Comments section below.

I’m starting a new book in the next few days: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I’m being told that this is a great book for anyone who wants to create things in life, whether it’s art, music, poetry, fiction, non-fiction, crafts, etc. The big topic in this book apparantly is on fighting The Resistance that blocks you from creating.

I think The Resistance affects more than just creativity; I think it affects life in general. Which, if you think about the fact that we were created as naturally creative people, makes perfect sense. And at the moment I stuggle with pushing past that in every area of life, not just the “creative” ones.

So I’m about to read about Steven Pressfield’s solution to the thing that stops us from branching out creatively, but first I’m curious what you might already be doing to branch out yourselves. What are you already doing to get past The Resistance? Shout it out in the comments below.

A few weeks ago, just prior to an especially busy time in my life, I talked about focus and how hard and exhausting it is to keep.

I learned a little something about focus then. For better or for worse, focus comes like everything we want in life: through diet and exercise.

I’ve found that I really do feel better and more able to focus when I eat the right food at the right time. It’s a simple thing, I know. But the thing about being focused is that when you can’t focus, you miss the simple stuff — and vice versa.

Another thing I’ve noticed about my attention span — and maybe yours as well — is that it gets longer only when it’s stretched. Exercises are designed to build strength and endurance, and that’s what I need, even when it doesn’t feel good.

Diet and exercise — in other words, discipline — are not something that just magically happen the way I want focus (or weight loss, for that matter) to just materialize in my life. These are long-term health changes, and health fads have only a temporary effect. But if I want the results, then I have to put in the effort. Of course, if you’ve found an easier way, I’m all ears for that too. 😉

What other thoughts do you have on focus?

It’s rant time. Today’s topic: pretending to be invested in someone’s life without actually following through.

When you have conversations with people, talking to them about their lives and sharing your own experiences, finding common ground and encouraging them, you give the impression that you care. Everybody gets that, right? It’s like saying, “I can totally get behind the work you’re doing. Bravo.”

So when that person invites you to actually experience that you’ve been praising, to step into life with them and see first-hand what’s going on, and you play dumb passively refuse with phrases like “that’s nice” or “good for you,” it’s basically as though after promising loyalty you’re deserted them to get shot in the back.

Why do people want to pretend that they care until it comes time to actually care even just a little? It boggles, irritates, and ultimately frustrates me.

Don’t be a coward about your loyalties. Don’t be one of those people who just says stuff to make people (or yourself) feel like you mean it. That lie will always fall down more painfully than being honest about your lack of interest. As best, you’ve just insulted someone’s intelligence and killed their respect by pretending that they can’t see right through you false assurance. At worst, they really can’t see through, and you’ll have to keep up the charade because they won’t leave you alone.

Trust me — this is not a game you can win. Even when you think you have, you’ve still lost.

October is finally here, fall is trying to force it’s way onto the scene (and succeeding more in some parts of the country than others), and we a whole new month ahead of us. But first — what was so great about September? I’ll admit it was a rather serious month, but there were a few posts that seemed to strike a cord here. Did you relate to these top posts?

1. Steppin’ Out With My Baby

2. Reasons to Stay Sober While Naming Your Children

3. Color Coordinated Couples

 

Hopefully you liked these posts, thought about them, and maybe thought of new experience that relate. If so, I’d love to hear ’em. Or maybe there was something else you related to more — don’t feel like the odd one out, let me know below. You might be pleasantly surprised to find you’re not alone. 🙂

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