September Recap – Top Posts!

October is finally here, fall is trying to force it’s way onto the scene (and succeeding more in some parts of the country than others), and we a whole new month ahead of us. But first — what was so great about September? I’ll admit it was a rather serious month, but there were a few posts that seemed to strike a cord here. Did you relate to these top posts?

1. Steppin’ Out With My Baby

2. Reasons to Stay Sober While Naming Your Children

3. Color Coordinated Couples

 

Hopefully you liked these posts, thought about them, and maybe thought of new experience that relate. If so, I’d love to hear ‘em. Or maybe there was something else you related to more — don’t feel like the odd one out, let me know below. You might be pleasantly surprised to find you’re not alone.

 

Focus on the Sound of My Voice…

I have a million things to do today. Everything that’s piled up or built up or waited for the opportune moment to strike is all coming to a head today.

I should be okay with that; I’m used to dealing with multiple things at once, dealing with a bunch of different people, and going from one event to another (to another) before home.

But unfortunately I have tasks to complete that require a slightly different mindset. Instead of going from one thing to the next to the next, I need to do the opposite.

I can use adrenaline to distract myself into getting several things done at once; I’ve practiced that.

But you know what’s really exhausting? Staying focused.

Focus is what I’m really gonna need if I want to get through the next several hours.

Maybe you call it living in the moment. Being present. Attending to now.

I call it difficult — especially when there are lots of people who what me to focus on their priorities. And there are.

But eventually the real priorities win out over the perceived priorities. And “eventually” has now become “immediately.”

So the real priorities are here, and I’m doing my best to focus on them.

After that? Rest — relaxation — distraction — diversion.

I just have to get to that point where I’ve done all I can and I can safely let my brain go.

So for now I’ll just keep reminding myself to stay focused.

(Although if you have a way to focus that works for you, I’m game to hear it. I’ll tell myself whatever works. )

 

You Are Getting Sleeeeppyyyy….

I hate that feeling of being tired. I like to do stuff — actually, I don’t always like to do stuff so much as I have stuff I have to do, and I like to get stuff done — but sometimes I am just tired. That’s not the worst thing at night, when I probably should have gone to sleep hours before anyway, but in the morning is a different story. When I’ve spent all of my adrenaline on getting ready and getting to wherever I have to go that day, and then sit down and realize that I am still tired, it’s a problem. (I need to get more sleep. Yes, I know. That’s not my point.)

What makes that fatigue so awkward, though, is when I have conversations with people, or I’m sitting in a church service or meeting, and I am willing myself to stay awake… and then I open my eyes. Oh sure, I’ve heard everything that’s been said (and I will never admit otherwise), and I think I have a response coming, but I didn’t quite notice that my eyes weren’t already open. And that can turn into the most dreaded moment of all: that weird moment when I open my eyes and realize I’m looking directly into the eyes of the person talking to me.

If you’ve ever been in that awkward situation, then you know how it goes. It takes a split second when you open your eyes for your brain to make sense of where you are and what you’re doing. And when you’re opening your eyes involuntarily (because the last thing you remember they were already open), that disorientation lasts just a little longer. So imagine opening your eyes involuntarily only to meet the gaze of the person to whom you’ve been listening.

That’s embarrassing, right? It’s difficult not to look startled initially, and then not to look a little guilty right after that. But those expressions are dead giveaways that yes, you were indeed half asleep — something you never actually want to admit if you can help it. Let the person you’re talking to call you out first — then it’s on them to prove it. Unfortunately, if you’re too tired to defend yourself, then they’ve already won that mental battle. You just focus on winning the battle against that next impromptu nap.

Pretty much the only saving grace at that moment is that you’re probably too tired to care to much until you get some sleep. Or some caffeine or sugar.

 

Reasons to Stay Sober While Naming Your Children

I admit to being somewhat obsessed with names. As a youngster (did I really just use that word?) I spent hours going over our Who’s Who books looking at all the names of high school students across the nation. I found sone really cool names, ones that inspired my imagination. I also found some really bizarre ones, names that made me think, “How could you do that to your child?”

I don’t spend hours poring over names anymore, but I do pay attention to the ones that happen to jump out at me from time to time, good and bad. For instance, I recently came across the first name Garl. Really? Garl? I hope there’s an interesting story behind that name. And hopefully that interesting story does not involve alcohol.

Seriously, I get concerned sometimes when I hear names parents have given to their children. A child’s name should be chosen with… well sobriety. After all, these are the names that kids will be stuck with until their are at least 18. And really, at that point the emotional scars from bizarre names have pretty much set in. So here are a few reasons for parents to stay sober when deciding what name to bestow on their child:

• The names need to be somewhat easy to spell. If a child can’t get the spelling of their name right until they are almost out of elementary school, the name is too complicated.
• The names also need to be easy to pronounce. Let’s not make it difficult for the people who will be dealing with your child. If you’ve made up a name that no one else can say, then people will just make up nicknames for your child. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
• The name needs to make sense. “A Boy Named Sue” is a cute title, but an awful reality. And a boy named Garl isn’t any better. (No, I’m not making that up.)
• Alliteration, rhyming schemes, and other patterns often do not turn out to be as cool as they seem during that baby-naming high. I once read about a mother who named her children with slight variations on the same word. Chase, Chance, Case. It may have been easy to call them, but that’s probably not the naming boon that it seems to be.
• This one’s easy: Suri Cruise, Apple and Moses Martin, Sunday Rose Urban, and many, many more. Now, the parents of these children may not have been drunk when they named then, but they might have been drunk on their own baby-naming power. There is such a thing as over-thinking it. Don’t try to create the next celebrity by branding your child with a celebrity-worthy name.

So let’s put a little extra thought to avoid the obvious pitfalls when naming the generation. Because everyone deserves a name they can be proud of.

 

Coordinated Color Couples

Do you remember biology class? All those awkward “back to nature” style explanations about how each of the species attract their mates? I vaguely recall explanations of why the male cardinals are such a bright red or why the peacock’s feathers are so colorful. However, by studying the natural scenes around me, I’ve discovered another species who uses color to match up their mates: human beings.

While looking around my church a couple of Sundays ago I noticed several different couples. I noticed them not just because I knew they were married or dating, but because my eye was easily drawn to their visual display. Yes, these couples were quite easy to pick out across the sanctuary because they wore matching outfits.

Now, you might be thinking, well sure, that’s old school. The older married couples do that all the time. Well, apparently matching outfits is not just for twins and married couples anymore. I picked out multiple matching couples this past Sunday who are established dating couples but who aren’t married.

I’ve know some couples who call each other to coordinate colors, and some in which the girl (or on a occasion the guy) will basically suggest an outfit for the significant other to where that day so they will be in sync. But I’ve never heard an official explanation for this particular phenomenon. It seems that the unspoken reality of this way of life is that when you see a couple in matching outfits, you know that that couple is not to trifled with. There is no since in flirting with that guy or going after that girl; he or she is clearly taken by the person beside them wearing the exact same shade of blue (or purple, or green, and on).

There also another unspoken rule to this truth; if you are not a couple, you should not wear matching outfits. I know the chagrin of showing up to an event or an outing in basically the same shade of color as a guy who was part the same event. It’s an uncomfortable experience when people see you dressed alike and assume that you two are “together”.

This may not be common knowledge, but singles don’t really enjoy having to explain that the person who looks like a coordinated partner “is just a friend.” And apparently coordinated outfits is an unconscious signal to ask just that question. The guys I know seem especially quick to point out any subtle differences in color, hoping to deter people from thinking that are potentially linked up with one of their female friends. (That’s okay guys; we’re strong women. We secure enough not to be insulted by your horror at inadvertently matching our outfit.)

Thankfully I’m now aware of this pattern of colors, so I can be better prepared to celebrate those couple have distinguished themselves from the masses, while avoiding any more misunderstandings of my own. Sometimes color can be used to both set people apart and link them together. I think I like this sweet cultural tradition that allows that to happen.

 

The Community I Want

I’m still thinking about the community relationships I have, and how to grow with the people around me. I came across a post on an old blog of mine — from another time when I was thinking about community.  This last paragraph of that post still resonates with me:

“So what do I do?  I don’t know yet.  I don’t know how to tear down the walls — walls that I probably built myself — between me and those around me.  I don’t even know if those around me have any interest in letting me close into their lives.  But I do know I have to try.  I can’t just sit around and bemoan my emotional and spiritual isolation.  I want to be a real part of God’s Kingdom.  And His kingdom is people.  So I pray that He teaches me how to love — Him, others, myself — in the way that builds His Community in the world around me.”

Sometimes the important things in life will keep coming back to you. Maybe it’s time to start community anew.

 

The Community I Have

Are you looking forward to this week? I certainly am. Last week was probably the most difficult week of the entire year, with far too many unexpected losses and unpleasant surprises.

I did realize something during the week though. When tragedy strikes, people want to be close to those they care about. And when that need for community arises, it’s much easier to be involved in that community if you’ve been involved before.

I love to help people, and be there for people. But I’ve also spent the better part of my life not really letting people know when I need help, not really letting more than a select few be involved in my personal life that way. And part of me feels that I can’t really expect people to think I want to be involved in their lives if they’ve never really had a chance to be involved in mine. Sometimes community isn’t accepted until it’s been tested and proven.

What do you think? Do you have trouble initiating or joining in community? Why do you think we sometimes run from contact and hide our needs from others?

 

This Is Not a Funny Joke

How do process the loss of a life? When someone is suddenly, unexpectedly pulled from this world to the next, how do you handle that reality?

A family in our church community (a close part of our church family, really) was launched into that process on Tuesday. A husband, a father, a son, an uncle, and a friend — and a car accident changed the lives of those in his world completely. My prayers go out for them, and my heart breaks with theirs.

When I first heard the news all I could think was that it couldn’t truly be possible. I kept hoping for news that he’d suddenly walked through the door, perfectly fine and ready to hug and hold his wife and his children. To not just watch them from afar, but to pull up to the dinner table and eat with them, to roughhouse and tease as if nothing’s happened.

I wanted it to turn out to be some sort of bizarre joke, but I knew it wasn’t. And it wouldn’t be funny if it was. Yet even now I can’t help but thinking it would be preferable. Sometimes reality is when you most wish that you were dreaming.

 

Happy Labor Day!

As this is the day to celebrate the fact that there are any jobs to be had in this country (just kidding… but not really), I’m taking the day off to do a little travel, visit a friend, and you know… relate.

I hope you enjoy the day as well!

 

Steppin’ Out With My Baby

Have you ever noticed that when you’re holding back or hesitating in one part of your life, that the rest of your life seems to be holding back or hesitating involuntarily? I’m finally beginning to this pattern. It’s one that’s probably been active for a long time, but I’ve just been too distracted to realize it until recently.

Maybe you’ve been distracted like I have. You’ve been wondering what to do with your life, how to get to that next stage or level. It’s long been an internal struggle. But in the midst of that, you’re holding onto this one part of yourself — one area that you’d rather not let people discover too much about. It’s just this one part of you — how could it possibly be affecting your search for your hopes and dreams, for your calling? It doesn’t even have anything to do with your dreams!

Or so we too often think. I’m finding out that many times those things that we mistake as not good or important enough to be seen beyond ourselves are the very things that help us take our next crucial steps. (And every step is crucial.) Not that the hidden part of us is exactly our unfulfilled destiny. However, the process of opening up a sacred or hidden part of yourself can be just the encouragement we need to move forward in those other areas of our lives. Sometimes you have to open up what you’ve been holding closely so you can handle what’s coming next.

I’m looking forward to what the future holds. Yes, even in the midst of the very nerve-wracking decisions I’ve been facing on this new path, I have hope that the things have seemed to be just out of reach are sliding closer to my fingertips. Tomorrow I will start opening up the imperfect ideas inside my head in the form of a blog of fiction stories, and as I take this initial step I’m excited about the steps to come.